Moving from Transactional to Relational

In my final read through of the book I was also reading a book called "Unreasonable Hospitality" by Will Guidara. Great book! I would highly recommend it for anyone who connects with people on a regular basis. 

He was talking about gift giving. In the restaurant he used to be a co-owner, they liked to practice hospitality by giving gifts. He writes, "Gifts to me, are deeply meaningful, which is why I get so mad when a business gives me a cheap tote with a branded USB drive. Try harder! Do better! Gifts are a way to tell people you saw, heard and recognized them--that you cared enough to listen, and to do something with what you heard. A gift transforms an interaction, taking it from transactional to relational" (pg. 217).

So the question becomes for churches and Christians are we more focused on making a transaction or building relationship with people. A lot of non-believers believe the church and some Christians see them as a project and once the transaction is made to become a member we are done and we can move on to someone else. 

Jesus came so that lost people could have the gift of grace, but he was focused on the person because he loved them and wanted the best for them. He listened to them, saw them and recognized them. Then he gave the most sacrificial gift he could, himself. 

As I was reading this book and doing the final read through, it clicked. This is what discipleship is really all about. It is not making transactions for the kingdom. It is about building relationships with the people you do life with and because of your relationship with God they become curious and ask questions. 

If we are going to make disciples, we have to move from transactional to relational.

This excerpt was added late to focus on the concept that disciple making is not transaction, it is relational.

Read todays excerpt:

Simon continues their conversation, “The events of the last few days have given me a lot to think about. The time with Miguel and Doug was spontaneous and authentic. We trust each other and can talk about anything with no pressure of having join anything. It was relational. Then we go to the golf banquet for the league and the church structure is so off putting. They don’t really care about building relationships, they are using the golf league to get more members who can just boost their numbers. I am really starting to see what is so wrong with the church structure being on the other side. It is so transactional. Maybe I should go forward and repent for the last 30 years.” 

“Before you go do something stupid,” Kay says, “there was some positive which happened last night. Think about the guys who came up to Bruce afterwards. They wanted him to play golf because they respect is game. He is going to make new friends.”

“That’s true,” Simon responds. “But there is a part of me who wonders if that is just part of the system. They are wanting to hang out with him just to get him to join the church. I don’t think that is their motive, but it is probably talked about enough from the church leaders enough they naturally believe that is what they are supposed to do. They have never been taught to be disciples who make disciples.”

“It is the system that has worked for centuries,” Kay responds. “It is hard to change something that has become so normal.”

“Has it really been working?” Simon says.

“What do you mean?” Kay asks.

“The system has done a great job of getting people to go to church,” Simon responds, “It has made good church goers. But has it made good disciples, people who follow Jesus? Take Miguel and Doug, they want nothing to do with the church because of the example they have seen from followers.”

“Nobody is going to be perfect,” Kays says. “That is just their excuse.”

“True, it is an excuse,” Simon says. “But they have never seen or heard that there is a difference between their perception and the reality. They are curious because we own up to the fact no one is perfect. We talk more about following Jesus than just joining the church. I mean it would be great if they would want to be part of the church, but what they really need is for Jesus to be part of their life first. Honestly, there are a lot of church goers who need to make Jesus a part of their life first as well. There is a lot of disciple making to be done within the walls of the church.”

“Why do you think that is so hard to do?” Kay asks reflecting on the frustrations Simon had in ministry. 

“When church goers are challenged, taken out of their comfort, they will find another place with less accountability,” Simon responds. “Most people want to be able to go to church and live like everyone else, with no accountability to become more like Jesus. Part of this mentality is not teaching the Lordship of Jesus for a believer. As long as they are committed to the church then everything must be alright.”

They sit there quietly for a few minutes. They are just taking in the sun as it rises above the bridge in the distance. Simon is reminded in that moment that God is in control and he is able to do amazing things if we just trust His presence. Even though the sun has been rising for thousands of years, it is still incredible. 

Simon says, “Are you ready to head in?” 

Kay looks at Simon saying, “In just minute. I was thinking about our conversation while we were sitting here quietly watching the sun come up. The gentleness of the kayak moving up and down. In the stillness and quietness, I thought about something you said. You were talking about your conversation with Miguel and Doug being relational. Then you talked about the church golf banquet being so processed and you used the word transactional. Disciple-making is not a transaction, it is a relationship. It is a relationship with God and Jesus and it is a relationship with other believers who are challenging others to live out their faith.”

Simon sits there for a moment and then says, “That was the tension I lived through for so long as a pastor. The pressure is to make Christianity a transaction rather than about the relationship. Thanks for clearing that up for me Kay!”

“You’re welcome. That is what I am here for, to clean up your mess. And believe me, it is a difficult burden to bear,” Kay says with a smile. “Let’s head back to the house.”

What is God Teaching You?

 One of the key take aways from the book is to experience God by asking this question, "What is God teaching you today?" This is a question I have used for years when I have led short term missions trips and even in studies I have done with other groups of people. 

This is a question we use in our huddles which meet after worship on Sunday morning. The huddles are set up to be with other believers who are striving to be more like Jesus in every area of their life. It is a time to debrief what God may be teaching you through the week or even during worship on that morning. Then within a relational context you have people to encourage you to live out your faith. 

In the excerpt I am going to post today, there was a moment I began to see God teaching me something. While through the book I am critical of the attractional model of church growth I am trying to be careful not to bash the church. I love the church and think it can be a force in the world once again if we humble ourselves and get back to what Jesus asks us to become. We need to become disciples who make disciples who make disciples. 

Writing the section below reaffirmed for me the church can be a catalyst for disciple making. Sometimes it happens by chance with people who are already believers that go to church. The question is, what would happen if we were more intentional about disciple making within the context of the church? I believe, real life change can happen with those who already believe and those who are on the edge of belief. 

Todays excerpt:

When they walk out of the worship center, they see Miguel sitting at a table with a cup of coffee talking to a couple guys from the church. When they approach the table Miguel says, “Hey, these guys were fishing yesterday with us Captain Doug. They recognized me. They came up to me thinking I went to this church. I told them this is my first time. Look, we even get a gift bag for being here today! Fill out this card and take it to that booth.” 

Captain Doug grabs his gift bag and they all head to the Irish pub to eat lunch together. After they get seated and order their food Simon gets to the question he has been wanting to ask all morning to Captain Doug, “So what did God teach you guys today?”

Miguel jumps right in, too Simon’s surprise, “There are some very nice people at First Church.”

Simon responds, “Yes, there are good people who are at every church. People who really love God and other people. What about you Doug?”

Doug leans back thinking about how he is going explain his experience. As he sits back up, he puts his elbows on the table beginning to explain what God taught him, “I had a really good experience. Now that I am trusting and following Jesus, the songs really had a deeper meaning. The words really connected with me.”

Kay says, “Really? That is nice to hear. Where Simon was a pastor before we moved here there were quite a few long time Christians who would leave early or come late. They never listened to the words. They just didn’t like the music. It was not their style.”

“Yeah, I figured that was the case as I watched some people not paying a lot of attention,” Doug said. 

“That is a good observation,” Simon says. “What about Pastor Steve? Did anything he say bother you?”

“Actually, yes.” Doug said. Simon thought he was now going to talk about how there was a subtle plea for giving to the church. Doug continued, “I have been very blessed. I am doing something I love to do every day. I live at the beach which is a lot of people’s dream. I was challenged today to think about how to take what I am blessed with and bless others.”

“What is bothering you about that?” Sue asks. “That sounds great!”

“What is bothering me is there is no direction in what I am thinking about,” Doug says. “The only direction that was given this morning was to give an offering. I mean, I could do that but then I would just be giving money. I want to be more involved in being generous than just giving money. So, I am trying to figure out how to be more generous in my everyday life. Giving an offering just seems too easy and out of touch.”

Now Simon sits back trying to think about what to say. Captain Doug seems somewhat bothered by the plea for more giving to the church, but he looked past that ask and saw something deeper, something more life changing. He is not mad for the ask; he even seems like he would be alright to give something. He is just struggling with where God is leading him in everyday life. 

Bruce notices Simon is in deep thought. “Hey, what are you thinking about?” he asks. “Can you give us any direction here?” 

Simon looks at Bruce and says, “Us?”

“Yeah, us,” Bruce says as he motions with his hand around the table including everybody. “We all could understand better how to become more generous in everyday life.” 

Kay looks at Simon with a smile saying, “What is God teaching you today, Simon?”

Overcoming Fear

 In a couple of my online writing classes the author leading the class talks about overcoming fear. The fear that needs to be overcome is sharing the book with others. You begin to ask questions as you begin to share it. Does what I wrote suck? Is it worth reading? It is not a very humble act to say, "I have written a book and you need to read it." 

They're right, the struggle is real. It is almost embarrassing to mention that I have written a book. 

Here is how I am overcoming the fear. "I'd Rather Be Fishing," while I believe every church leader and Christian needs to live as a disciple maker, the process of writing a book enabled me to put into words a part of who I am and what I believe Jesus wants me to be. 

I my not be a charter captain in the Florida panhandle, but I can be someone who helps people know and become closer to Jesus. And I believe every believer can!

As I share some excerpts from the book to get some feed back, I do so out of a place of humility as someone overcoming fear. 

Here is the first excerpt:

While they are laughing one of Simon’s poles takes off. “Flip the bail!” Miguel yells. “When you feel the slightest tension give it three quick jerks to set the hook.” Simon follows the instructions of his new teacher. He has a fish on and this one is different than the redfish he caught a few weeks before. Miguel is coaching him as the fight between man and fish continues with great intensity. 

Simon is amazed at how much fight the fish has, it is like nothing he has ever hooked before. After fighting it for about 20 minutes and after a few runs with the reel screaming, the line goes slack. As quickly as the fight began it was now over. Simon had lost the fish. 

Miguel puts his hand on Simon’s shoulder because he can tell he feels defeated, “Sometimes there is nothing you can do. You do all the right things and for whatever reason the fish just comes off. Cherish the fight you had for twenty minutes, some people never get to experience what you just got to experience. You know why?”

Simon looks into Miguel’s eyes intently as his teacher begins to explain, “Patience. Most people are not patient enough to stay the course. They get distracted by other things. They give up to easy. Let’s get our lines back in the water, maybe you will get another chance.”

Dave shows up. They tell him about the fish Simon lost. They fish a little longer and then head to the restaurant to grab a bite to eat. They each get a beer as they are waiting for their food. 

Miguel asks, “So what did you do before you moved down here to learn to fish?”

“I was a pastor for the last 30 years,” Simon replies. 

Miguel and Dave get silent and pause. They have that look on their face that Simon has seen many times before when people had found out what he does. It is not a look of disappointment or shock. It is thinking back trying to remember if there were things they may have said or done that might have been offensive to a man of the cloth.

“I am sorry if I said anything to offend you over the last few weeks,” Dave replies. 

“You have never offended me with anything you said or did,” Simon responds. “Everyone always responds that way when they hear about me being a pastor.” 

“So why did you stop being a pastor?” Miguel asks.

“I was tired of running the machine,” he responds.

“The machine?” says Miguel. 

“The church,” he replied, “I got tired of running the church. There was all this pressure to get people to attend on Sunday morning. Then there was pressure to make sure the giving was high enough to pay for maintaining the building and supporting the programs that were going on. And you had to keep people happy so they would not leave and go to another church. People began to see it as a business rather than a gathering of people who were doing life together and encouraging one another through the difficulties of life.” 

The food comes in the middle of Simon’s explanation. He says, “I am sorry to bore you with all of that, it still fires me up to think about it.”

“No problem,” Miguel says as he takes a bite out of a french fry. “So what did you want to focus on if not the church?”

“Jesus,” he says, “it is all about Jesus. The goal is to challenge people to live more like Jesus tomorrow than they did today in every area of their life. It is not just about getting them to attend. This vision can happen in a church and there are churches that do it well. But most have lost their focus and get upset when you try to get them back on track.”

“Interesting,” Miguel responds.

“What’s Interesting?” Simon says. 

“Now you have become my teacher,” Miguel says, “I want to know more about this Jesus you are talking about. He sounds like a different Jesus than I have always heard about. You know, the one the church promotes, but does not always live like.” 

I'd Rather Be Fishing

 We've all seen the phrase, "I'd Rather Be Fishing," either on a t-shirt, a bumpersticker or something. This couldn't be a truer statement for me. I love to fish! 

I was having lunch with a minister friend. He asked me what I would do if I could do anything else. I told him I would own a fishing charter where I could fish all the time, taking people out in hopes to get into spiritual conversations with them. I would not initiate the conversations, I would just take them fishing and through basic conversations if the opportunity arose I would just answer questions they may have about my own personal faith. 

I took the vision from that conversation and began to write a story about a pastor who got out of ministry after 30 years, moved to the coast and began to fish. Hanging out with different guys on a pier led to helping on a party boat. Through conversations and building relationships life change began to happen with the guys this once pastor, Simon, was hanging out with. 

As I was writing the story I realized this is not only true in a literal sense, putting bait on the end of a line and throwing it into a lake, river or ocean. This is true in a spiritual sense as well. I went into ministry because I wanted to follow Jesus and connect people far from Him, to Him. Jesus told a segment of His disciples who were fishermen, "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men."

This is why I went into ministry, but this is not what ministry has become for the most part. The tension is between attracting a crowd and making disciples. The attractional model of church growth is about making the right transactions so that the church will grow numerically, the giving is up and people are serving. The goal is moving people through a process to become good members of the church. 

Making disciples is relational. Hanging out with people whether they are friends, relatives, co-workers or etc. Living like Jesus in your everyday life in such a way that people begin to ask questions about the values you live by because they are curious. 

The church should be about making disciples. Through the story that unfolds in the book, Simon spends time with the pastor of the church he goes to trying to share with him the focus of making disciples. The tension is real and I learned somethings about myself through writing this book. 

I learned, the church can be a good experience for those curious within the context of relationship. The church can help start spiritual conversations for those who are both unchurched and churched if there is a way to process the challenge of being more like Jesus. This challenge needs to happen within the context of relationship. 

The need for discipling relationships should be encouraged and given space and the time to grow naturally. I mean this was the way of Jesus, Right?   

Learning through Writing

 It's been a while since I posted something. But it doesn't mean I have not been writing. I took a Facebook online class with Bob Goff after reading his book "Dream Big." One of the things he talked about was writing 1000 bad words a day. While I did not accomplish 1000 bad words a day, I did do the exercise a few times a week. 

Then I decided to write a book. I went through a few online classes from other author's through Master Class. 

Through 2022, I wrote a book which is finished. I am now looking at publishing options trying to learn what that process looks like. I have to say, the process of writing a book is challenging and rewarding. I have learned some things through the process. Actually, putting thoughts down on paper helps thinking through some things and I actually learned some things from myself, if that makes sense. 

I have decided to put some of what I learned myself while writing the book, using some excerpts from the book. I would love to hear your feedback. Who, knows, maybe I will learn some other things through this process. 

Moving from Gathered to Sent

I was with some guys the other night on my deck. I was introducing the new book we were going to do together. "Revival Starts Here" by David Clayton. So we talked a little bit about it and assigned the next reading.

We then began to talk about the effects of Covid-19 on the church. I talked to them a little bit about what I wrote in my last post. One of the guys said, "Maybe we need to look at ourselves (the church) as a sent church that gathers rather than a gathering church that is sent." What are the implications of that paradigm?

First, we would be living our lives as disciples within the context of our everyday life. We are just doing life as a follower, bringing God's Kingdom to the context of everyday life. Not preaching and teaching to everyone. But as Michael Frost says to live a questionable life in such a way it leads to kingdom conversations. When people ask you "why" you live a certain way it becomes an opportunity to share that you try to live by the values of Jesus. The Kingdom becomes visible by what you do, not what you say.

Second, the gathering becomes a celebration of what God is doing in our lives 24/7. We are not just coming together to check in, sing some songs, give an offering, take communion and hear someone give us a pep talk to get us through the next week. The Kingdom becomes real in our everyday life and we can't wait to celebrate with others living the sent life.

Third, the gathering becomes what it is meant to be, a place we find encouragement. A place we spur one another on in love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24-25). It encourages us focus on being sent into the world to make disciples.

Finally, we begin to see God moving through our life personally and the life of the church. It is God, literally building His church through us, a church in which is pushing back the gates of hell.

Instead of saying, "If someone is seeking God, they can come to the gathering."

We begin to live with God and His kingdom at the forefront of our lives.

Jesus does tell us to "Seek first His Kingdom."

Time for some Humble Pie

"I'll go out as before and shake myself free" is what Samson said when he was seized by the Philistines. God had blessed Samaon greatly and his strength came from God. God had said as long as he would not cut his hair he would retain his stength. Slowly Samson began to think his stregth came from himself. He became self-reliant until one day he revealed the secrect to his strength. Deliah cut his hair and Samson mistakingly thought he could just shake himself free as before. As the church we have become self-reliant. We see our success comes when we are able to do the right things that can make our church grow. By grow I mean in the number of people who attend. I heard a pastor rant in a video how we need to stand up to the govenrment and come back and gather like we were before. We needed to forget social distancing, masks and any kind of safety measures. While that sounds like what we should do to some and maybe the most faithful thing to do, we are also called by Jesus to be peacemakers. This pastor said something that was troubling to me. He said "the power we have comes from the gathering." The power comes from the people who are called to gather. Really? I always thought that our power came from God. I thought our power came from what Jesus did on the cross. I thought our power came from the Holy Spirit who leads our life. This is always what I had been taught growing up and in Seminary. I was always taught we should not be self-reliant, which is what Adam and Eve sought when the ate the fruit from the tree. I was never taught our power as the church comes from us and the gathering. Has the church become to prideful in the way it fucntions and conducts business? Is what we are going through right now a wake up call to begin to rely on God and not lean on our own understanding? I mean everyone I talk to is trying to figure out how to get back to the gathering. Very few are talking about what God is doing outside the gathering. You see, Samson thought he would just be able to shake himself free by his own power. That pride bound him, blinded him and and led to greater burden. It was not until he humbled himself that he regained his strength. Here is his prayer: "O Sovereign Lord, remember me. O God, please strenghten me just once more . . . (Judges 16:28). Maybe we should pray for God's power and strength rather than trying to do it on our own. It is time we humble ourselves before God and allow Him to build His church the way He wants the church to be built. It is time we call on God's power to end the virus' spread and heal everyone who currently has the virus. It is time we call on God's power to bring us together dispite our race. Let's all spend some time calling on God's power to change us and bring peace to the world. It is time to humble ourselves before God!