Moving from Transactional to Relational

In my final read through of the book I was also reading a book called "Unreasonable Hospitality" by Will Guidara. Great book! I would highly recommend it for anyone who connects with people on a regular basis. 

He was talking about gift giving. In the restaurant he used to be a co-owner, they liked to practice hospitality by giving gifts. He writes, "Gifts to me, are deeply meaningful, which is why I get so mad when a business gives me a cheap tote with a branded USB drive. Try harder! Do better! Gifts are a way to tell people you saw, heard and recognized them--that you cared enough to listen, and to do something with what you heard. A gift transforms an interaction, taking it from transactional to relational" (pg. 217).

So the question becomes for churches and Christians are we more focused on making a transaction or building relationship with people. A lot of non-believers believe the church and some Christians see them as a project and once the transaction is made to become a member we are done and we can move on to someone else. 

Jesus came so that lost people could have the gift of grace, but he was focused on the person because he loved them and wanted the best for them. He listened to them, saw them and recognized them. Then he gave the most sacrificial gift he could, himself. 

As I was reading this book and doing the final read through, it clicked. This is what discipleship is really all about. It is not making transactions for the kingdom. It is about building relationships with the people you do life with and because of your relationship with God they become curious and ask questions. 

If we are going to make disciples, we have to move from transactional to relational.

This excerpt was added late to focus on the concept that disciple making is not transaction, it is relational.

Read todays excerpt:

Simon continues their conversation, “The events of the last few days have given me a lot to think about. The time with Miguel and Doug was spontaneous and authentic. We trust each other and can talk about anything with no pressure of having join anything. It was relational. Then we go to the golf banquet for the league and the church structure is so off putting. They don’t really care about building relationships, they are using the golf league to get more members who can just boost their numbers. I am really starting to see what is so wrong with the church structure being on the other side. It is so transactional. Maybe I should go forward and repent for the last 30 years.” 

“Before you go do something stupid,” Kay says, “there was some positive which happened last night. Think about the guys who came up to Bruce afterwards. They wanted him to play golf because they respect is game. He is going to make new friends.”

“That’s true,” Simon responds. “But there is a part of me who wonders if that is just part of the system. They are wanting to hang out with him just to get him to join the church. I don’t think that is their motive, but it is probably talked about enough from the church leaders enough they naturally believe that is what they are supposed to do. They have never been taught to be disciples who make disciples.”

“It is the system that has worked for centuries,” Kay responds. “It is hard to change something that has become so normal.”

“Has it really been working?” Simon says.

“What do you mean?” Kay asks.

“The system has done a great job of getting people to go to church,” Simon responds, “It has made good church goers. But has it made good disciples, people who follow Jesus? Take Miguel and Doug, they want nothing to do with the church because of the example they have seen from followers.”

“Nobody is going to be perfect,” Kays says. “That is just their excuse.”

“True, it is an excuse,” Simon says. “But they have never seen or heard that there is a difference between their perception and the reality. They are curious because we own up to the fact no one is perfect. We talk more about following Jesus than just joining the church. I mean it would be great if they would want to be part of the church, but what they really need is for Jesus to be part of their life first. Honestly, there are a lot of church goers who need to make Jesus a part of their life first as well. There is a lot of disciple making to be done within the walls of the church.”

“Why do you think that is so hard to do?” Kay asks reflecting on the frustrations Simon had in ministry. 

“When church goers are challenged, taken out of their comfort, they will find another place with less accountability,” Simon responds. “Most people want to be able to go to church and live like everyone else, with no accountability to become more like Jesus. Part of this mentality is not teaching the Lordship of Jesus for a believer. As long as they are committed to the church then everything must be alright.”

They sit there quietly for a few minutes. They are just taking in the sun as it rises above the bridge in the distance. Simon is reminded in that moment that God is in control and he is able to do amazing things if we just trust His presence. Even though the sun has been rising for thousands of years, it is still incredible. 

Simon says, “Are you ready to head in?” 

Kay looks at Simon saying, “In just minute. I was thinking about our conversation while we were sitting here quietly watching the sun come up. The gentleness of the kayak moving up and down. In the stillness and quietness, I thought about something you said. You were talking about your conversation with Miguel and Doug being relational. Then you talked about the church golf banquet being so processed and you used the word transactional. Disciple-making is not a transaction, it is a relationship. It is a relationship with God and Jesus and it is a relationship with other believers who are challenging others to live out their faith.”

Simon sits there for a moment and then says, “That was the tension I lived through for so long as a pastor. The pressure is to make Christianity a transaction rather than about the relationship. Thanks for clearing that up for me Kay!”

“You’re welcome. That is what I am here for, to clean up your mess. And believe me, it is a difficult burden to bear,” Kay says with a smile. “Let’s head back to the house.”